Rule #1
Scene opens with the faint sound of echoes and murmurs.
“People are always asking me if I know Tyler Durden.”
“So it shouldn't matter if you answer the question one more time.”
“Who are you to tell me what matters to me?”
“You have to tell me!”
“Keep your voice down in the House of God, Boy!’
“I'm sorry...I just… I need to know. It's important”
“Who are you? Why you wanna know so damn bad? He owe you money or sometin’?”
“No..just a friend of a friend.”
“That doesn't sound too important.”
Silence
“Why do you come here?”
“To get away from dumb nosey people like you.”
“Ok.”
Older man sighs
“When you see what i've seen in life, you need to believe in something. Maybe he doesn't even existing I truthfully don't even know, but I know anythins better than what I seen”
“I'm sorry to follow you here I had to talk to you.”
“You couldn't do it on the damn street who sent you here anyway.”
“Marla”.
“Marla?”
“Marla.”
“Haven't heard that name in a minute.. But it doesnt change my mind get out of here my Sunday mass about to start.”
“Please anything you know, I have to find him.”
“I have not seen that man in 30 goddamn years - lord forgive me- and i will not have some cop or journalist or whatever circle you dug yourself out of come into MY life in the middle of MY Sunday come lying to me trying to dig up some dirt on something that happen almost your entire life ago. After my time coming here I've thought about that man as a demon more than a human and the problems he raised will come to bite me in the ass after all these years now you scream and don't go sticking your nose were it doesn't belong or somethin’s just about fit to rip that nose off or shove it backwards into your face. Mark my words boy whatever you got yourself involved in, dis-involve yourself quick”.
“So he was a monster.’
“That’s what I said isn't it.”
“The papers say he got away. They only got his partner, Norton.”
“I TOLD YOU TO SCRAM BOY”
People start looking
“Look I don't want to talk about that part of my life anymore and if you can't tell me your business there's no way i'm telling you mine.”
“I made a promise to someone”
“Your a complete stranger adn you want me to just give up the life story of someone I may have even called a friend once?’
“Please any information at all you might have. Anything Im desperate. I'll Pay you if that's what you want.And if you don't help me i'll follow you. I won't leave you alone. I'll stand outside your door. I'll follow you to the store. I won't leave you alone until you tell me the information i'm looking for.”
“Ha Ha Ha! I'll call the cops, what do you think this is?”
“You won't call the cops.”
“Oh won't I?’
“No.”
“Why not.’
“Oh I don't know much about Tyler Durden. Only that which i've dug up over the years. The missing credit reports, a couple of emails, a dead bank account. This dude is a ghost. Most of the information I've been able to find has been his partner’s, Norton. I guess that's why he got caught. Dude was sloppy. Your name was mentioned in some of the emails. I have a friend holding onto the hard drive with all the information on it in case to send to the cops if I dont call at the appropriate time. ”
“You dont know what your talking about.”
“Then tell me.”
“You wouldn’t believe me even if i told you, it's not of your business, and not to mention its dangerous. The man's been a top wanted criminal and you go around asking questions about him to strangers?!”
“I thought we should keep our voices down.”
“Your getting on my nerves kid. One of us is leaving this church and it aint me. I told you i'm not interested in your little research project. Find someone else. Find someone who cares. I'm tired. I just want to live my life in peace. I've seen too much. Done to much. And honestly, I don't know what you're about son, but take it from a man whose gone to hell and hung around for a while, its not worth it. I might still have a chance at heaven but Tyler Durden? That man I ain't too sure about. If you follow too far down the rabbit hole, you're bound to fall in. Stop asking questions you don't want to know the answers to.”
“Please. He’s my father.”
Dear Masha,
ReplyDeleteI think you most certainly have a writing career as a noir/detective writer. You've created two very distinct voices here, and developed an intriguing plot, all triggered by the first line. You have one character (the priest) who is extremely resistant, and another character who desperately wants more information on Tyler Durden. Remember this---that's exactly what you need to create tension and conflict--two characters who need/want something from the other who are also opposed in some way. You also give us this really interesting reveal in the end with Tyler being the father of the man who is searching for more information. I think you should work with this more and keep writing!